Do you have a goal that you want to achieve but you are finding it hard to see it to fruition?
Do you know what you need to do but constantly take the easy road and not do it?
Do you find yourself doing the OPPOSITE of what you need to do even though you know that it will set you back from reaching your goal?
In my 42 years of life I have done ALL of the above numerous times. When I catch myself, I beat myself up for being undedicated, undisciplined and lazy.
I cycle between discipline and full indulgence depending on “the mood of the day”, which leads me to be wishy-washy and stops me from believing that I will ever achieve my goals.
In reality, I am not undedicated, undisciplined or lazy. I wake up at 4:30 every day to read, meditate and do yoga on a daily basis. I go to the gym and train hard five days a week for two hours at a time, sometimes dragging my 10 month old with me. I am at some sort of sports field almost every evening with one of my two other children, doing one sport of the other, carpooling their friends, helping out with coaching. I am starting school in September to become a teacher, at 42 years old and with three kids to take care of.
I am dedicated to my family and my health, disciplined about my habits, and other than the occasional naps, I would not consider myself to be a lazy person.
So what is up with falling short on my goals?
I know what I want, and I know how to get it, but too many times I find myself doing the opposite of what I should be doing and it drives me CRAZY. Sometimes I feel like I just can't help myself.
Why am I playing defence on myself and why do I self-sabotage my own efforts to reach my goals?
IT'S TIME TO STOP THE MADNESS!
I have been doing a lot of meditation and practicing mindfulness which has made me much more aware of what I am doing. I have come across some ideas that given me some insight on why I keep self-sabotaging my own efforts to reach my goals, and I wanted to share them with you in case you are dealing with some of the same issues.
Now just to be clear, I have NOT overcome this self-sabotaging behaviour but I am hoping that with some mindfulness on WHY I am doing it, I can overcome and become the master of my habits and kick the self-sabotaging behaviour out the door.
Reasons why I self sabotage
- I underestimate the amount of time, effort and energy is needed to reach my goals and I lose my motivation when I encounter disappointment, resistance or failure.
- I listen to others tell me that my goals are too big and that I need to be more realistic.
- I choose “fun now” over “results later”.
- I have the false belief that if I am too happy, something bad will happen.
- I have the false belief that if I am too healthy, I will get sick and die.
- In moments of weakness, tiredness or boredom (i.e. mood of the day), I let my emotions win and do what is fun, easy and safe rather than what is right/will get me closer to my goals.
- I am human, and I am imperfect. My imperfections lead me to believe I cannot reach my goals.
- I put others goals/feelings/priorities above mine because I want everyone around me to be happy.
- I lose hope that I will ever reach my goals and give up.
- I feel lazy, unworthy and underserving of my goals.
I wonder how many you can relate to?
We all have our reasons for not following through and losing sight of our goals.
My question is NOW WHAT?
What do I need to do to change this?
This is what I have come up with so far:1. ACCEPT WHERE I AM AND KEEP TAKING ACTION TOWARD MY GOALS
This is about self-love. I don’t want to “change myself”. What I want is to develop what I already have inside me and build and grow.
2. TAKE FULL 100% RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHERE I AM AND KEEP TAKING ACTION TOWARDS MY GOALS
I can’t worry about the past. I must accept where I am and take the right actions, moment to moment, to fulfill my potential.
3. CHANGE MY SHOULD DO IT’S TO MUST DO IT’S
Treating success as an option rather than a must is one of the major reasons why people don’t succeed. They give themselves an out, a plan B. To fulfill my potential and reach my goals I must do the things, when I need to do the things, even when I don’t feel like doing the things.
4. SEE SUCCESS AND THE REALIZATION OF MY GOALS AS MY DUTY, RESPONSIBILITY AND OBLIGATION TO MYSELF AND MY FAMILY.
I must assume control of everything and remember that motivation, action and success is an inside job and is up to me.
5. KEEP GOING NO MATTER WHAT RESISTANCE, DISAPPOINTMENTS, SETBACKS AND FAILURES COME MY WAY.
These are a part of life. I must deal with them while remembering #4.
The Journey to Extraordinary
I know what I want. It is time to fully commit. My success is not an option. It is my duty and I want you to join me on my journey to extraordinary success.
There is much more to come but for now I will leave you with this question:
WHAT MATTERS MOST TO YOU?
The goal is to clarify what you really want and then work as hard as you can for as long as it takes. Be relentless in the pursuit of your goals.
Get up and get going.
More about this later... Time to go to the gym!
Coach Mia xo