It's that time of year again!
The dreaded NEW YEARS RESOLUTION TIME.
It's the time when everybody gets ready to "get back in shape" and "do that thing I've been meaning to do all year but didn't" or "quit insert negative habit here" or "start insert positive habit" here. We've all done it, and have all failed miserably at one time or another.
I do believe that the 1st of the year is a good time to RESTART and GET BACK ON TRACK, but we have it all wrong with the NEW YEARS RESOLUTION.
Here are my TOP 3 REASONS WHY and how to change your mindset around the new year resolution:
1. TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING LEADS TO DISASTER
We tend to focus on too much when we plan our resolution. We want to start going to the gym/running/swimming and eat healthy as well as drink more water, quit drinking, quit smoking and start yoga. I call it the RESOLUTION EFFECT and it is a disaster waiting to happen. You only have so much willpower and time in your day and the wheels are bound to fall off in one way or the other. Just like the epic failure of "Extreme Makeover", you cannot overhaul your life all at once. By grouping your "getting healthy" habit changes together you have started a slippery slope.
You miss the gym and then decide to take the whole "day off" and go out for lunch and have a burger and a beer. You skip yoga the next day and you feel like crap. Then you shame yourself and feel like a failure so you have some cake and then pizza.
O.k. I might be exaggerating but you get the point I am making.
HOW TO OVERCOME THE RESOLUTION EFFECT.
Think about the one thing you feel like you need to change. A habit or a goal that you think would affect your life in a positive way. Decide on focusing on that one thing and change that one habit. If you focus on one habit a month (30 days) you can change 12 things in one year!
2. PERFECTION IS THE GOAL KILLERI am a recovering perfectionist. I know what it's like to feel like I can only do something that is perfect. If it wasn't perfect it was a failure. For example, if I had a drink on day 9 of my 30 days of not drinking I would just stop. I FAILED WHY CONTINUE? I missed a day at the gym... I FAILED, time to eat a burger, and have a beer and shame myself for being a complete FAILURE.
HOW TO FIGHT PERFECTIONISM.
Think about change as a process and remember that PROGRESS is better then PERFECTION. Nobody is perfect, and if you start to accept that about yourself, you will keep going after you mess up. If you don't expect perfection you can never fail. Make progress every day, try your best, but when you have an "off" day (AND YOU WILL) then move on and keep going the next day. No shame, no self-beating, no extra exercising... just MOVE ON. Stop trying to be so damn perfect. Try your best and when you fail, learn and move on.
3. FAILURE TO GROW OR NOT TO GROW
In my perfectionist days, the thought of FAILURE or LOSING made me shutter. I was probably more afraid of failing and looking bad then I was of dying. When we make resolutions, and then quit after we fail, we are not learning and growing from our failures. Instead, feeling defeated and ashamed, we lose our self-confidence and spiral into loser mode. We feel defeated after a loss, or after seeing someone that is stronger, smarter or not eating cookies, and instead of growing, we feel shame.
HOW TO USE FAILURE TO REACH YOUR GOAL
"Failure is not the opposite of success, it is a stepping stone to success." Arianna Huffington
Failure is a part of life and if you change your mindset it can really help you reach your goals. For example, with my old mindset, when I lost I would feel defeated. Now I feel inflated, and it pumps me to work harder. I seek out losing and working with people that are stronger and better then me because it helps me grow.
The only way you fail is when you quit.
Every time I fail/fall on my face/lose I think of two things:
1. What is my win? What did I learn from this experience?
2. What can I do to make it better next time around?
Taking action and risking failure is going to make you a stronger more resilient person, ESPECIALLY IF YOU FALL ON YOUR FACE.
The biggest difference between successful people and failures, is the fact that the successful people didn't quit after failing or falling on their faces. They got up, learned from their experience and tried again.
The key for changing your life is simple.1. HAVE A GOAL - WRITE IT DOWN
2. KNOW WHY YOU WANT IT (WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THE GOAL)
3. DESIRE AND WANT IT BADLY
4. MAKE A PLAN
5. STICK TO THE PLAN EVEN WHEN YOU FALL ON YOUR FACE
6. KEEP STICKING TO THE PLAN
7. BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL DO IT EVEN WHEN YOU FALL ON YOUR FACE
More about goal setting and planning on a later date. For now I will leave you with this...
Plan for the best, do your best, and enjoy the journey. If and when you fall on your face, wipe yourself off, learn something and keep going!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
With Love and Gratitude,